She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
