I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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