Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
