I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
