i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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