In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
