Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
