Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
