i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
