i think my mom watched the whole time
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
