maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
