drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
