Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
