Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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