i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
