Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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