What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
