I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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