If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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