HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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