I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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