i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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