I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize