I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
