Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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