false alarm. still invincible.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
