And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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