I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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