so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
