do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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