guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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