You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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