the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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