they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
