He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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