I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
