4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Randomize
