Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
