if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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