I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
