And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
