I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
