god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The feeling are messing with the penis
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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