you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
