Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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