I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
