I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
