I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
