If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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