i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He has the fingertips of a God
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