Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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