My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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