i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
