ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
