No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
