YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
