she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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