i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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