Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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