just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
