he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
