he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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