I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
