Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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