you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
