i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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