Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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