I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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