Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
