its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
