I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
