she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
